Body language and communication really walks hand in hand. Actually body language is a part of communication. When we talk to another person we use our arms and hands as an extension of our speech. To more effectively get our point across to the other person. When we use our hands to explain something we are of course aware of that most of the time, even though it often happens automatically. It’s the unconscious movements that people often miss out on. Learning to recognize these and what they mean can definitely improve your communications skills.
Another important thing to understand is that it’s equally important to be aware of your own body language. You want have a body language that is perceived as open and relaxed.
Be aware of your own body language while communicating
Before you try to make sense of the other person’s body language, you should think about your own. Even though people isn’t consciously reading your body language. Most people do pick up signals from your body language.
If you have a closed off and nervous body language, most people are going to pick up on that and they are often going to perceive that as negative. An example of a bad body language would be to sit with your arms crossed, head low and no eye contact. This signals low confidence and insecurity. Even if you feel uncomfortable and insecure you should avoid doing this.
Have a relaxed and confident body language
Instead you should have a relaxed and confident body language. Avoid crossing your arms and legs, also avoid making yourself small. Instead you should make yourself big. This doesn’t mean that you have to spread yourself out all over the place, taking up other people’s space. No, but there nothing wrong with taking up some space if available. Spread out your legs and arms a little bit in a comfortable way. Taking up space shows confidence and using a confident body language often makes you feel that way too.
You can experiment with this if you want to, if you make yourself small you’re inclined to feel more insecure and if you make yourself bigger you’re more inclined to feel confident.
Have a good posture
Another thing that shows and make you feel confident is having a good posture. Sit with your back straight, if possible. Sometimes when you sit in a sofa it might not be as easy and comfortable, but when you stand or sit on a chair. Have a straight back and hold your chin up. Don’t make a habit of looking at the floor.
Smile
This is such an easy and powerful thing to do. Smiling has so many benefits, it shows them exactly what we have talked about. That you’re relaxed and confident. Smiling also makes you feel happier and when you smile it often makes the other person smile too, which then makes them happy too. We all know someone that smiles all the time and these kind of people are always fun to be around.
Show that you’re listening
Never make them think that you aren’t listening to what they are saying. When someone speaks to you, show them that you are listening by looking at them and nodding you head. It’s also effective say things like, “yes I agree”, “you’re definitely right” and “that’s true”. By doing this you show them that you’re listening and that you understand their point.
Eye contact
Eye contact is another important thing. It’s a big difference between a guy that gives you eye contact while you’re talking and a guy that look away the entire time. Giving someone eye contact shows that you’re confident and that you’re interested in that person and what that the person has to say.
If you’re uncomfortable giving eye contact to people you should definitely practice doing it. If you don’t make eye contact people are going to perceive you as insecure and sometimes people can get the feeling that you’re hiding something from them.
Look at others body language while communicating
If we would dive deep into body language this article would turn into a book. To avoid that we’re only going to go through some basic things you can start looking for straight away.
Comfort vs discomfort
Someone that are uncomfortable, nervous, stressed or insecure are going to show that through their body language.
When people are nervous you’re often going to see them scratching their head, arm or neck. All kind of scratching is an indication of stress.
All kind of blocking behavior is an indication that they feel uncomfortable and that they might feel threatened in some way. This is when a person puts an object between themselves and the other person. This can be done by holding an object as a pillow or book in front of their chest, but also less obvious things like constantly holding a coffee mug in front of their chests or face. Even if they simply could put the mug down on a table. This is also why we cross our arms, we defend a vulnerable part of our body with our arms.
Someone that are comfortable and relaxed don’t feel any reason to put any object between themselves and the other person. They are also not going to move around a lot in their chair or scratch themselves a lot for no reason.
Leg cross
Leg cross can actually both mean that someone are comfortable and uncomfortable depending on which leg is on top.
If we sit side by side with another person and the leg on top is pointing towards us, it’s a sign of comfort and engagement in the conversation.
If on the other hand, the leg on top is pointing away from us, it’s a sign of discomfort and it could indicate that the person feels threatened. This is because when the leg on top is pointing away from us, it’s actually creating a barrier between us and that person.
If you want to know more about crossed legs you can read this article.
Do they show interest?
Another important thing to consider is if the other person shows any interest during your discussion. If you have a discussion with someone and he/she doesn’t show any interest in what you’re talking about, why are they even talking to you? Most often they are either just being polite or they want something from you.
By learning to recognize when a person enjoy or don’t enjoy a discussion you know when to change topic or simply end the discussion.
Look at their feets
Our feets are the most honest part of our body, because that is the part of our body that we pay least attention to.
Our feets point at what our attention is on. If we are in a conversation with someone that we don’t want to talk to, one or both feets are going to point away from that person. Often to the nearest exit. On the other hand, if we are genuinely interested in what a person has to say, our feets are going to point at the person.
It’s important to remember though that just because a person’s feets are pointing away it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want to talk to us. It might just mean that they are in a hurry and don’t have time to talk to us.
Anyway, if you their feets are pointing away from you. You should ask yourself why. Don’t they like what you’re talking about? Do they have a problem with you as a person? Are they simply in a hurry? You get it.
Eye contact
Someone that care and are interested in what we have to say are going to give us eye contact. Don’t assume that they aren’t interested just because the look away from time to time though. When we listen to someone speak we often look away to think deeper about what someone is saying. It’s when someone clearly doesn’t give you any eye contact at all and instead looks around and at other people that you should ask yourself why?
It’s a difference between looking away to think deeper about what someone has said and looking at everything around you. When you think deeper about what someone has said you look to the side and zone out a little bit, without focusing on anything. It’s when you start looking at other people or objects and what’s happening around you that you clearly show that you aren’t thinking about what the other person said. You simply doesn’t care so your attention is on other things.
Smile
Someone giving you a genuine smile is an obvious indication that they like your company. The key is to differentiate on a real and fake smile, not that a fake smile necessarily is bad. We often use fake smiles to be polite but it’s good to know when someone actually gives you a real smile.
The simplest way to recognize a fake smile is to watch the eyes. When we give someone a real smile you can also see it in the eyes. While a fake smile most of the time only involves the mouth. A genuine smile makes what’s often called “crow’s feet” at the outer corner of your eyes, these are wrinkles that doesn’t happen with a fake smile.
A simple way to think about it is this, if you would cover the mouth of the other person you should still be able to tell if they’re smiling or not by looking at their eyes.
Does their body language agree with what they’re saying?
This is something that often is used to tell if someone are lying or not. If someone are confident in what they’re saying their body language should also mirror that.
A simple example I often use is when you are thinking about buying a used car. If they tell you that there’s nothing wrong with the car and that it works perfectly fine but at the exact time they are saying that they give you a shoulder shrug while they scratch their neck. In this case their body language doesn’t mirror what they are saying. They say that the car is great but their body language show doubt and stress. It doesn’t automatically mean that they’re lying, but I would definitely dig deeper and ask more questions to see if there’s some dirty play going on.
Conclusion
Hopefully you have now learned the basics in body language and communication. If you are eager to learn more you can check out all the other articles about body language that we have. But there’s no reason to make it complicated, just observing other people’s body language is going to take you far. Then if there’s some specific behavior that you’re unsure of what it means, you can ask us in the comment section!
